Well, January has not been off to the best start for our family. Jason had a bad cold and earache for 3 weeks and ended up needing antibiotics. Evan got sick, fever and throwing up then ended up in the ER due to possible UTI- his sickness turned into a cold. Aimlee and I got sick the next week, fever, chills and bad, bad cold. Both kids got pink eye and have had their colds almost 2 weeks so far. Jason is now having a food poisoning or a stomach bug. Anyone who knows me, knows sickness is my extreame fear and panic zone. So, for the next few months we are going back to hibernating – http://cameoirons.com/2016/11/28/its-hibernation-season/. I was a bit more lenient, and see where it got me? Ugh! So- planning to have these kids homebound as much as possible for the next couple months. Apparently, this is one of the worst flu seasons in a long time- Yep!
As discouraged as I have been-I am not letting this define my year. If anything- I have learned and gained more confidence and within my abilities- with a lot of grace from God. This year, 2018 is going to be a GREAT one! The things I would like to focus on are…. Priorities and Balance. This is the year that I get it right. Put my effort the most in my family (#1 priority)- to focus my effort on making my family and my home better…. Making my home where I want to be the most. Balance is one of my biggest struggles. It has been hard for many years for me to know what I want or need- as all my energy, time and effort has been spent on my family. One of my biggest fears is that I will get so sick, and won’t be able to take care of my sick family. So for many years, I have had a hard time even determining what I need and have not taken care of myself. I have been through numerous sessions of counseling and now am on an anti-anxiety medicine. I feel like I finally can think like a “normal” person does. While my fears are still there, and still sometimes my anxiety is out of control- atleast the “rest” of my time is spent feeling mostly normal and “happy”.
Since, having this improvement in my life, I have been able to see my needs and even wants- and even stick up for my point of view sometimes. I feel like sometimes I am having “too much fun” without my family. I spend all week excited about the one night I am going out, then while I’m gone I feel guilty. When I am finally able to have fun and not worry- it’s only a matter of time until the guilt sets in, if I stay out later then expected or am out with people who Jason does not particularly fond of. Almost like when I have fun—I feel guilty- if I am not having fun with my family. So- I need to balance my thoughts and actions. Jason has been pretty generous about letting me go out- so as long as I am making smart choices while I am out- I should have no guilt.
I need to find the balance that works best for my family and me- but either way- my time with my family should be the part of the week that I look forward to the most. And when I do go out, I need to make sure I make sound and safe choices.
So this year… My Priority of my family and home will be because I want to, not because I have to… and my balance will be taking some “selfish time” for me- just enough to stay sane and enjoying it while I am.